Plays by Alan Richardson

Perfect Partners

First Performed at the Border district of the SCDA One Act Festival, February 1991

44 Productions in the UK.
Plus International Productions in 
Andalusia, Spain.  Gibraltar.  Queensland, Australia. 
New Zealand.  Holland.  The French Riviera.  Eire. 

Published by Samuel French Ltd

Synopsis
Edwina and Jonathan Lovelock are about to get a divorce - hardly the best advertisement for "Perfect Partners", the dating agency they run together. When a prospective client turns out to be a journalist looking to write a blistering exposé on the dating business, Edwina and Jonathan have a battle on their hands. A satirical glimpse of the cynical yet romantic world of dating agencies combined with a witty and touching personal drama.

The Characters (2m 2f)
Edwina  Proprietor of "Perfect Partners" (40+)
Jonathan  Her marital and business partner (40+)
David Murray  A visitor to "Perfect Partners" (25+)
Susan Carter  Another visitor (25+)

  The Setting
The office of "Perfect Partners", a less
than reputable introduction agency

The Period
The Present

(Approx running time: 40 minutes)

Sample Scene

Edwina and Jonathan Lovelock run a rather shabby dating agency. They are on the verge of an acrimonious divorce, but their differences are momentarily forgotten while they attend to the morning mail.

EDWINA  If you're going to hang around here, make yourself useful.
JONATHAN  Name the task.
EDWINA  I haven't looked at the mail. See if there's anything worth bothering about.
JONATHAN  Why not? One last time for nostalgia's sake. (He scoops up the mail and starts opening letters) Phone bill - the red one.
EDWINA  Bin.
JONATHAN  And a complaint.
EDWINA  Ditto.
JONATHAN  Now this sounds more promising. (Reading) "Dear Perfect Partners, You nearly got it right this time. We both liked Opera. We both liked tennis. We both liked Chinese food. The only thing we didn't like was each other." (He drops the letter in the bin) Ditto.
EDWINA  Nobody paying yet?
JONATHAN  Not so far. Another complaint. Calls us - "fraudulent charlatans".
EDWINA  Bloody nerve!
JONATHAN  I don't know. Sounds quite classy - "fraudulent charlatans". And she wants her fifty quid back.
EDWINA  Fat chance! This isn't a charity.
This letter is also consigned to the bin
JONATHAN  And, last but not least, a completed application form.
EDWINA  And fifty quid! (She snatches the cheque that is attached to the form) O.K. I'd better do the normal re-write. 
That'll be the usual candidate for the Booker prize for fiction. (She gets a blank application form from the filing cabinet) Right. 
Fire ahead. Name? 
JONATHAN  (reading) "Mizz Olivia Gardener" - as in greenfingers.
EDWINA (writing)  Miss Olivia Gardener. Address?
JONATHAN "Seven Montego Terrace".                    
EDWINA  Worth a bob or two. Age?
JONATHAN "Young thirties".
EDWINA Thirty-nine and a half. Status?
JONATHAN "Single".
EDWINA  Eternal optimist. Occupation?
JONATHAN "Community Relations Consultant".
EDWINA  Social worker. Describe your appearance?
JONATHAN "Homely".
EDWINA  Back end of a bus.
JONATHAN  And "cuddly".
EDWINA  Overweight. Interests?
JONATHAN  Quite a list. Starting with "occasional theatre".
EDWINA  Went on staff Christmas outing to last year's pantomime.
JONATHAN "Keep fit. Jogging. Callanetics. Green issues. The environment. Nuclear disarmament. Pollution. Animal rights" -
EDWINA  Hold it! Hold it! Let's condense that. (She writes) Everything that's currently "in". Describe your ideal perfect partner?
JONATHAN "Healthy. Active. Handsome. Professional. Solvent. Caring. Generous".
EDWINA  Meal ticket. Right. I'll fill in the minor details later.
JONATHAN  Have we got any environmentally aware company directors who jog around nuclear power stations? 

CLICK HERE to return to the top of the page.