Performed at the Border district of the SCDA One Act Festival, February 1991
44 Productions in the UK.
Plus International Productions in
Andalusia, Spain. Gibraltar.
The French Riviera.
of the Scott Salver for the best original play in the SCDA One Act Festival
Winner of the Geoffrey Whitworth Trophy for the best original play in the
British One Act Festival
"Alan Richardson's comedy skills
ensure that this makes a very funny play.... a witty
personal drama" - Amateur Stage
"Audiences just loved it" - Director, Ipswich,
Published by Samuel French Ltd
Edwina and Jonathan
Lovelock are about to get a divorce - hardly the best advertisement for
"Perfect Partners", the dating agency they run together. When a
prospective client turns out to be a journalist looking to write a blistering exposť
on the dating business, Edwina and Jonathan have a battle on their hands. A
satirical glimpse of the cynical yet romantic world of dating agencies combined
with a witty and touching personal drama.
of "Perfect Partners" (40+)
marital and business partner (40+)
visitor to "Perfect Partners" (25+)
Susan Carter Another
The office of
"Perfect Partners", a less
than reputable introduction agency
running time: 40 minutes)
Edwina and Jonathan
Lovelock run a rather shabby dating agency. They are on the verge of an
acrimonious divorce, but their differences are momentarily forgotten while they
attend to the morning mail.
you're going to hang around here, make yourself useful.
JONATHAN Name the task.
EDWINA I haven't looked at the mail. See if there's anything worth
JONATHAN Why not? One last time for nostalgia's sake. (He scoops
up the mail and starts opening letters) Phone bill - the red one.
JONATHAN And a complaint.
JONATHAN Now this sounds more promising. (Reading)
"Dear Perfect Partners, You nearly got it right this time. We both liked
Opera. We both liked tennis. We both liked Chinese food. The only thing we
didn't like was each other." (He drops the letter in the bin) Ditto.
EDWINA Nobody paying yet?
JONATHAN Not so far. Another complaint. Calls us - "fraudulent
EDWINA Bloody nerve!
JONATHAN I don't know. Sounds quite classy - "fraudulent
charlatans". And she wants her fifty quid back.
EDWINA Fat chance! This isn't a charity.
This letter is also consigned to the bin
JONATHAN And, last but not least, a completed application form.
EDWINA And fifty quid! (She snatches the cheque that is attached
to the form) O.K. I'd better do the normal re-write.
That'll be the usual
candidate for the Booker prize for fiction. (She gets a blank application
form from the filing cabinet) Right.
Fire ahead. Name?
JONATHAN (reading) "Mizz Olivia Gardener" - as in
EDWINA (writing) Miss Olivia Gardener. Address?
EDWINA Worth a bob or two. Age?
JONATHAN "Young thirties".
EDWINA Thirty-nine and a half. Status?
EDWINA Eternal optimist. Occupation?
JONATHAN "Community Relations Consultant".
EDWINA Social worker. Describe your appearance?
EDWINA Back end of a bus.
JONATHAN And "cuddly".
EDWINA Overweight. Interests?
JONATHAN Quite a list. Starting with "occasional
EDWINA Went on staff Christmas outing to last year's pantomime.
JONATHAN "Keep fit. Jogging. Callanetics. Green issues. The
environment. Nuclear disarmament. Pollution. Animal rights" -
EDWINA Hold it! Hold it! Let's condense that. (She writes)
Everything that's currently "in". Describe your ideal perfect partner?
JONATHAN "Healthy. Active. Handsome. Professional. Solvent. Caring.
EDWINA Meal ticket. Right. I'll fill in the minor details later.
JONATHAN Have we got any environmentally aware company directors
who jog around nuclear power stations?
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