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First
Performed by Linlithgow Players, March 2006
Published by Brown, Son & Ferguson Ltd
Synopsis
When
hapless Robbie is falsely suspected of torching a warehouse, he turns to his
solicitors for advice, only to discover they have been burgled. He is also
innocent of the burglary, but too simple to wonder why Gail suggests he confess
to that as an alibi for the warehouse fire. And when Simone also tries to
manipulate his confession in pursuit of her own very different agenda, he is
left utterly bemused.
The Characters
(2m 3f)
Gail…A
world weary, rather aggressive office girl
Robbie…An inept and suggestible
petty criminal
Simone…An ambitious young criminal lawyer
Anna…A middle aged lawyer, nobody’s fool, but
tired
Wentworth…A hard bitten policeman
The Setting:
A lawyers' office
The Period:
Present day
Sample
Scene
When petty criminal Robbie is
wrongly suspected of torching a warehouse, he rushes in a panic to his lawyers
for advice, only to find that their office has been burgled. Office girl
Gail
has reason to believe that her boyfriend Jake, who has got into bad company, is
behind the burglary with his friends. She is afraid that she will be accused of
aiding and abetting Jake by means of an ‘inside job’. Robbie’s arrival is
a godsend for
Gail. She concocts a plan to get herself and Robbie off their
respective hooks, never dreaming that Robbie’s arrival is also a godsend for
the quite different plans of Simone, the ambitious young lawyer who enters later
in the scene.
GAIL
You live on your
own?
ROBBIE
Yes.
GAIL
So you don’t have an alibi for the warehouse fire?
ROBBIE
That’s right.
GAIL
Do you want an alibi?
ROBBIE
Do I want an alibi? You work
for a lawyer and have to ask?
GAIL
I’ll give you one. Use this
office.
ROBBIE
I don’t understand…
GAIL
This break in. Tell the
police you broke into this office instead.
ROBBIE’S jaw drops.
ROBBIE
D’you think they’d believe me?
GAIL
Well, it wasn’t a very professional break in, so they might.
Oblivious to the insult, ROBBIE beams at her.
ROBBIE
You tell me what to say.
GAIL
Well, Jake wasn’t in at half past two, so it would have been then.
It’s very important you get the time right.
Understand?
ROBBIE
I understand.
GAIL
So tell me when you broke in here.
ROBBIE
Half past two in the morning.
GAIL
Well done. Now, the uniformed
officer who came here said a jemmy had been used.
So remember that too.
ROBBIE
A jemmy. I used a jemmy.
That’s easy, isn’t it? Is
that all I have to say? What a
brilliant alibi! I’ve never had
anything like it!
GAIL
Tell me again what time you did it.
ROBBIE
Half past two.
GAIL
Mind you don’t, ‘cos…
Stops as SIMONE arrives carrying files and books.
SIMONE
Got it adjourned, thank God. Simpered
up to the bench and old fool Mountjoy agreed.
Practically had him in tears.
Dumps files and books on the desk, then notices
ROBBIE.
What’s he doing here?
We’re closed?
ROBBIE
I’m…
GAIL
He’s come to confess.
SIMONE
Confess to what? Send him
away.
ROBBIE obligingly starts to go, but GAIL hauls him
back, glaring at him.
GAIL
He’s come to confess to being our burglar.
He broke in last night. At
half past two.
SIMONE
What? Don’t be silly.
Rather nervously snatches up a file and begins to
flick through it.
GAIL
He did. He’s admitted it.
ROBBIE
I’ll confess again if you, Miss Osbourne.
I used a…
SIMONE ignores him, cutting into his speech.
SIMONE
Gail, Robbie
would admit to anything for attention. Can’t
you do something useful? Go and get
me a coffee.
GAIL flounces off with a determined nod to ROBBIE.
There is a little silence while
SIMONE
pretends to continue reading, but keeps glancing at ROBBIE thoughtfully.
Robbie…
She puts the file down.
You didn’t really burgle
this office at half past two, did you?
ROBBIE
Yes I did.
SIMONE
Of course you didn’t. You
burgled it at four in the morning.
ROBBIE
Eh?
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Plays by
Alan Richardson